I have to admit… I am being forced to write this blog post. Stephen King in his book On Writing (and numerous other works) often remarks how the worst question a writer can get is, “Where do you get your ideas.” According to King, ideas just show up in his brain and he can no more explain it than he can any other mystery of life. I have the opposite problem – I know where some of my ideas come from. And that source will never let me forget it.

Kona Gallagher’s life, in large part, traces the same trajectory as my sketches because, well, she lived about 80% of them. This week’s episode, “Truthful Detective” is pulled almost verbatim from her life as she is a survivor of an attempted mugging and had a similar conversation with a detective who was driving her home. I think every first line I say in the piece was an actual quote that she relayed to me. I filled in the rest like my favorite inker Banky Edwards – adding mood and drama. The dumpster beat was all mine… that I pretty much altered from a classic Dead Baby joke.

The point is this; never let Kona suggest something to you. Because, yes, it will be brilliant and you will not be able to help yourself from not using it… but she will forever be in your life reminding you that she thought of it. Avril? She first pointed out and showed me the US Weekly article from which it was based. Between Guys… an almost verbatim conversation between her and I upon her revelation that there was rumored romance between The Rock and Stifler (in fact, the first line in the piece comes totally from me being genuinely interested in a sex tape starring Mr Scott and Mr Johnson). And now Detective has laid my folly bare… I listen to Kona far too often.

To be honest, though, beyond inspiration, Kona has given rather sage like notes on many of my scripts – even the ones she was not the basis of – and I have benefited from it quite a bit. In addition, I cannot forget to mention Charles Ochs, who has certainly influenced my writing and creativity a great deal. Matthew Balthrop, the one person I can actually write WITH in the same room (though its been awhile, buddy). Matthew’s thumbs up on any of my scripts is one of the only benchmarks for a piece being ‘done’ that I have. And of course, Laura Esti Miller’s place in heaven is reserved for not only the tremendous amount of advice, comments, ideas, and knowledge that she brings to all of my scripts, but also because she deals with the moody, pacing, anxious, bag of nerves that has to crap each one of these nuggets of gold out.

But back to the person forcing me to write this. The thing I hate about Kona is that she is skilled writer herself (check out her TV news/recaps at www.cinemablend.com/television) yet she refuses to write scripts. Claming ignorance only gets you so far, Gallagher. Get off your duff and turn your ideas and life into comedy script gold or else stop asking for credit from those with the brains and the balls to do it for you (Hint… ME!). So, until you write a script, I expect no more comments about how much I owe you and I consider the matter closed.

Compelled in NY,
David C. White